By Anuradha Harish

Once when we went to Udupi temple, inside the sanctum sanctorium, a man pinched me on my behind. I slapped him hard, but sadly he got lost in the afternoon lunch crowd before my husband and father could attend to him. The heartbreaking part is that this man could not stop himself from doing such a mean act inside the temple. It is not that such an act is acceptable anywhere else, but somehow this mean incident happening inside a temple, is deplorable. This shows to what levels an unashamed man can stoop. When another fanatic brushed his hands against my behind in a local theater, I could give him a hit on his back with my umbrella, which I sure do hope hurt him immensely. Now, must I be happy that my back attracts so much attention?

Kerala can be renamed for the ladies as 'the back-pinchers own country'! Immoral men can rarely resist a lady's back. Be it in any crowded area or a non-crowded place. If you wear anything a little fashionable (read anything other than sarree or salwars) or anything not really out of fashion (read Sarree or salwar), then be sure that you will come home only with a sore buttock. Should we import iron-underwears with padlock from Thailand?

The credit for the place in which woman will get their maximum molesting done, goes to - the bus. The buses in Kerala are frequently crowded. Any woman is a prospective prey for the famished male.

Seriously, the brushing and pinching may seem small, but these can leave permanent scars on young minds. Personally I know a girl of 8, who was severely molested by her neighbor's 20-year-old son. This girl did not understand what happened. But she knew that something bad had occurred and many years later, after her marriage, she had to get some psychatric help, as she would not let her husband near her.

Any male - be they an uncle or grandfather or a relative or a friend is a potential abuser. But how will you teach a 4 year old the difference between a passionate kiss and a loving peck? And can you be with them always? No. Impossible.

I would not like to talk like a woman's liberation member, but some things have really caught my attention. The Calicut University issue and the Suryanelli sex scandal have just died down. Now comes the Cochin sex scandal. Another - an article in the newspaper on some women in Madras who had been molested. While contemplating on the recent 2 issues, I turned on the TV and there I find a politician talking about the Assam sex scandal!

We are in our 55th year of independence. But can a woman walk alone, freely and without fear at night? Let us say asking to walk at night is too muchEthen what about day?

What ever it be I have decided, as has my mother-in-law, that the first thing we will teach my daughter is not Bharatanatyam or Carnatic Music. It will be Karate. She must learn to defend herself. That is the topmost priority.

When she enters her teens (maybe even before), I will teach her the following.

1.How to use the safety pin. I will see to it that her bag or her 'malai' has one permanently there - to dig deep into the flesh of back-pinchers and other 'orashal-veeranmar'.

2.How to use high-heeled pointed shoes. I will insist that she goes to college/school wearing only these shoes, if she is traveling with unknown people on a crowded conveyance, however impractical it might seem to you. This is because, like the safety pin, these shoes can dig deep into the feet of the crime-doer.

3.The fine art of staring. This technique she can use against men, who insist on looking at all the wrong places (which they feel is the right place!). This stare must be so harsh that the man must feel that the third eye of Lord Shiva has opened.

4.Choosing the right person. The thought of this brings sour juice in my mouth. I really don't want her to find her man. I think, that she must marry the boy of our choice, after seeing the horoscope, etc.. I will anyway dissuade her from falling in love, but being a mother I think it is my duty to tell her about some things; just to be on the safe side. You see the Suryanelli case, some movies and serials do depict a rueful picture of runaway girls being pushed into prostitution after their lovers have been satisfied enough. Anyway, no running away and getting married for her, for sure. The old saying ' aasai 30 naal, E" seems quite true!

5.Thinking on her feet. I saw this movie- Kalki, some years ago. In that the heroine is a very strong character and once while she is walking alone at night on a lonely stretch of road, two men get attracted to her. She turns around nonchalantly and says,'I am ready, but am not too sure of you. You see, I have AIDS." The two would-have-been rapists run away! I am not saying that this will work anywhere or everywhere, but thinking calmy, is very essential, when faced with an unpleasant situation.

6.Wariness towards older men. Somehow the youth of today seem to be much better behaved than the 40-50 year old men. These men often have female children aged 12+, but when they see young girls, their hands cannot remain still! Here the modus operandi must change. Number one step - move away. If he is still sticking close, turn around and stare. If their wife/children are with them, stare at what they are doing and see to it that the person(s) travelling with them sees the act happening. If he is traveling alone, then bring everyone's attention to what he is doing by scolding him loudly. Attracting attention does wonders. Men love to bash up a wrongdoer. Even we women may be given a chance to hit the offender! Wow, that is sweet revenge.

7.Criminals must be punished. One important thing is, women must never act as though nothing happened. The criminal must never be allowed to get away with his crime. He must be made to realize that what he did was wrong.

8.Anything bad happens, not your fault. I am no psychologist. But we women have a tendency to believe that we are responsible if something traumatic like a rape or severe molesting happens to us. This can be true, if we attract a person unnecessarily (by dressing provocatively, or giving the other person wrong ideas by way of glances or by giving hidden promise, etcE. One thing is, if a person molests you, HE is ill. Not you. He has a mental problem. It is true that in India, a raped woman is almost an untouchable; her life becomes hell for no fault of her's. What happened was without the lady's consent. So why blame her? Similarly, there is no reason to blame oneself too.

Basically the thing is to protect yourself. Isn't prevention always better than cure? Try to avoid delicate situations. In case anything happens, and you are sure you are not responsible in any way, forget it. But see to it that the wrong doer gets punished.

I will end this article by recollecting an incident that happened in Sharjah. We had gone to see a cricket match and while coming back, we saw a man almost on his knees seeking forgiveness from a woman. Her husband was very angry and shouting. The offender was near tears. This is not because he was afraid of the woman's husband, but because he was terrified of the Lebanese policeman and his stout lathi and most importantly the law of the land. The woman seemed ready to forgive him, but the husband was very sure. The wrongdoer was ready to do anything to right his wrong. Why? Because in a country like UAE, any molester can have his visa revoked and he will be deported - after being punished (minimum 15 whip lashes). I am very sure that the sinner never attempted any tricks again; at least while he was in UAE.

How I wish such laws existed in India!

Brought up in Thrissur, Anuradha Harish is married to Harish Ganesh and is based in Ernakulam. She is doing her graduate program from Indira Gandhi National Open University.